


It's okay to be scared, it's frightening

by StylinsonVEVO



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: AU, Fluff, M/M, Magic, Order of the Phoenix - Freeform, Romance, Weasley's - Freeform, burrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 18:22:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17452061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StylinsonVEVO/pseuds/StylinsonVEVO
Summary: In a world consistently turning darker, Harry is Louis' one shining light guiding him through. His rock, the love of his life since he was 14 years old.That all changes when Harry betrays them, joins the death eaters and breaks Louis' heart.





	It's okay to be scared, it's frightening

**Author's Note:**

> I thoroughly enjoyed writing this but the plot is slightly lacking so I apologise, I hope you get as much enjoyment reading it as I did writing! 
> 
> This is an AU so although it may share events with the original Harry Potter universe and story line but not everything will be the same.

There was no two ways about it; someone had betrayed them. Someone had betrayed the Order. Louis' looked around, looked at all the familiar faces, the people who he'd been as close to as family all now apparting away as Death Eaters stormed Grimmauld place. His head was spinning trying to think of who it could be but he didn't have time, he had to leave. He closed his eyes and when they were next open he was in Doncaster. He was on the street of his childhood home. He knew that wasn't the arranged meeting place they had, it had been decided years ago that if anything happened to Grimmauld place everyone was to apparate to the burrow (the family home of Molly and Arthur). He didn't hang around long. Although Louis was doubtful anyone would be watching him right now or have tried to follow him, he knew there'd be spies in Doncaster. There were spies everywhere; it wasn't safe to wander the streets anymore. Especially not if you stood against You-Know-Who. He apparated himself to the Burrow, thankful to see it seemed undisturbed. They still had a safe house or for now at least they did. He made his way into the living room, greeted by the tired faces who he saw no more than 20 minutes ago rushing to escape from death. Everyone was here- everyone except one person. Everyone knew what that meant, but when Louis realised who it was that was missing he didn't want to let himself believe that it could be him. Remus, Sirius, Fleur, Aberforth, Mundungus, Arthur, Molly, Bill, Charlie, Percy, George, Fred, Tonks, Hagrid, Moody, McGonagall. Everyone except Harry, except his Harry. Louis wasn't sure if the idea of Harry having been killed back at Grimmauld would've been worse or better than the idea of him betraying the order. "No.." Louis spoke quietly but it was loud enough in the room of silent faces. Everyone knew Louis would take this the hardest, that Louis would be the one who fought hardest against accepting this truth. "Has anyone seen Harry?" He looked around at them all; his eyes were frantic even when his body wasn't, "Did they get him? Is he hurt? Please tell me he's in another room somewhere" No one wanted to meet his eyes, to answer his questions. Everyone knew the truth of it, they didn't need to say it. "No" was all Louis could say to himself, picking up the nearest thing to him and throwing it at the wall. It shattered in silence. No one knew what to do, how to comfort him. It had always been Harry to comfort him, calm him down or cheer him up, by his side through thick and thin since they were 14. The silence was deafening to Louis as he sunk to his knees, "no".

 

The next year was a downhill battle for the order. You-Know-Who's following only seemed to be growing; whether that was through fear of him or admiration Louis wasn't entirely sure. No one had seen Harry since that night, but there had been tales, whispers that he'd joined the death eaters. Whenever new information cropped up that involved him, Louis seemed to be the last to know. Even after such time everyone in the order acted as if they were on eggs shells around Louis. Louis would still defend him sometimes, whenever someone put Harry in a negative light Louis jumped in on reflex to defend him, maybe that's why. 

        When death eaters stormed the Burrow, Louis should've known Harry would be there. Of course he would be, You-Know-Who was evil and twisted and knew exactly how to break his opponents. It was the last strong hold the Order had. Not even the ministry was left standing. Louis' wasn't sure how their rag-tag team had kept fighting against such odds, had stayed strong and defiant to what could only be described as an evil force growing everyday. The order were fighting back, trying to protect the last thing that was theirs, and Louis had been with them. Until he saw Harry. He saw Harry throwing curses at people who used to be his friends, Harry in a black cloak, Harry with the dark mark tattooed on him forever as symbol of his permanent servitude and loyalty to the Dark Lord. Everything went silent for Louis and that's when he lost will to continue fighting. He had nothing left to fight for. He was fighting to save a world that had already given in, had subcommed to the darkness. Some even welcomed it. It was no surprise from that that Louis was captured. His friends had tried shouting at him, tried to get him back on his feet and fighting back but there wasn't an ounce of strength left in Louis' body to do that. The Order won the battle that day, they kept the burrow, but they lost Louis. In all honesty, they lost Louis the day Harry betrayed them. The death eaters retreated, apparating to whatever dingy castle they lived their pathetic existence in, taking Louis with them. 

        Louis must have blacked out because the next thing he knew he was in a dungen, in a cell. The walls around him were black with dirt and grime and the smell was indescribably bad. Try combining rotting corpses with a dump truck and you may get the idea. The lighting wasn't brilliant but it was enough to see by and enough to see that Louis was alone. There was no natural light, only a few magically cast oil lamps hung on the walls. Heavy chains clung around Louis' wrists making it hard to move far, but he grit his teeth and pulled himself up to better gage his surroundings. The only exit was up through a thin flight of stairs of course on the other side of the cell doors. If Louis was feeling lucky he would've attempted to squeeze through the bars, but he didn't. He knew they would have taken his wand, broken it, burned it, but Louis checked anyway. Just in case. Nothing. He had nothing without his wand, no magic to protect or save himself with. Louis had often imagined himself in this position, being caught, being tortured, and the thought made Louis whole body turned cold. As much as you could create a scenario in your head, you could never create the true atmosphere of fear that came with actually being in the scenario. He knew the Order would do everything they could to try and get Louis back, but they were likely struggling to keep their own freedom so he was hesitant to believe they would be in a position to grant Louis his. 

        He sat there in the nothingness for what could've been hours or could've been well over a day. Keeping track of time wasn't a luxury you got in a Dungen. He felt like he could pass out any moment from thirst but was kept awake by the ever present hunger pains. When Louis heard footsteps he wasn't sure whether to be fearful or thankful. Was he going to be fed or tortured? Was he going to be killed? The sight that greeted his eyes certainty made Louis feel as though he was dead. It was another set of eyes, green eyes, Harry's eyes. They didn't need to torture Louis with any curses for the sight of Harry as a death eater, Harry as a traitor, was more painful to him than any spell ever could be. "Harry.." Louis felt like he was suffocating as he spoke, but he couldn't even get the curly mop of hair to look at him. 'Eat' was all he said, shoving a tray forward with what could only be described as grey gruel and a shallow cup of water. Louis picked up the cup greedily dowining its contents without evening thinking of what reprecussions their might be for doing so. They could've drugged it, poisened it, done anything to it. At the same time, there was no need to go to such efforts as drugging Louis' food. He was their prisoner, anything they wanted to do that couldn't be obtained by magic could easily be obtained through brute force. Looking at the gruel almost made Louis lose his hunger. 

        "You won't be fed for another two days. Eat it." Louis gawked up at Harry. Hearing his voice was something Louis never thought would happened again. 

        "Harry.. Harry please, please let me go. Let me go and we can leave. We can go back to the Order or or we could run away from everything" A lump was forming in Louis' throat as he spoke, his voice fragile and broken, tears forcing themselves to be known in Louis' eyes. Still Harry did not even look at him. "Please" he whispered and Harry turned to face him. Louis shouldn't have got his hopes up, shouldn't have let his heart leap in his chest as he was greeted with Harry's face. He was worn down, tired, he was unhappy. Louis couldn't wrap it around his head by Harry would do this to himself, why he would chose this path. When Harry yanked back the plate of cruel and turned to leave, it was like Louis' heart was being shattered all over again. Harry betrayed him. Harry left him. Harry didn't give a shit about him. Louis watched as Harry went back up the thin, uneven staircase with the plate of gruel in hand. There was a click, a moment of light flooding in from the doorway Harry had previously come down from, then silence. Nothing. Louis didn't care if they killed him now, Louis would've killed himself. He didn't want to continue. He was ready to curl himself up and cry when he heard a tap. It was quiet, almost silent, so Louis held his breath and he listened. He listened for what felt like another hour before dismissing it. It was nothing. A random sound of the dungen. Except, when he stopped being silent, there it was again. Tap. Tap. Tap. It was like something coming towards him, getting closer, getting louder. Louis shuffled himself in the direction of the noise, dragging his heavy and noisy chains with him. There, at the bottom of the stairs, a wand. Not any wand though, Louis' wand. Had Harry given him it? Was it a gift from the Order somehow? Was it just a fuck up? Louis didn't have the time to sit and ponder why it was there. He reached through the bars, only just able to grasp his wand by the tips of his fingers, but when he did he could practically feel the magic flowing through him again. 'Alhoamora' Louis whispered, pointing his wand at the chains but nothing happened. Of course it wouldn't. There was probably some curse keeping his chains shut, and Louis was right. No more than a minute after he cast the spell his chains tightened around his wrists. If they weren't already blackened and bruised they would be now. He could've tried to come up with a counter-curse, another spell to unlock them, but Louis didn't want to run the risk of his hands being cut off by some nasty chains. It was a long shot, but Louis painted the image of the Burrow in his head and apparated. He really should've taught himself to do so without the need of a wand but it had never been the right time.

        It must've been the best stroke in the world for him, but it worked. Louis was in the Burrow. At first he thought it was a trick, a mind game, that he was still in the dungen, but when he heard a tray crash and Molly's voice yell his name he knew he was actually there. He was have only been gone a day or so, but it felt like he'd been gone for years. The first thing Molly did after making sure Louis wasn't going to drop dead on the spot was to get him water. Louis had never been so thankful for such a plain drink as water was. "Are you hungry? Of course you're hungry. Can't wait til dinner, everyone will eat early" Molly rushed around the kitchen, waving her wand to set everything in motion and get the dinner cooking. She made him a sandwich in the mean time and Louis wolfed it down faster than he'd eaten anything in his life. It was hand down the best sandwich he'd had in his life too. Person by person members of the Order and members of the Weasley family came down to see what all the commotion was about, to see Louis broken and sitting on the sofa. Molly shooed them all away, 'He's in no state to be talking' she'd tut. If Louis wasn't so out of it he would've smiled from that. He would've thanked Mrs Weasley, but he didn't. He didn't do anything except sit and stare at the wall. He didn't feel like he  _could_ do anything else. He couldn't get the image of Harry out of his head. The sight of him as a death eater, the sight of him so tired and miserable in the life he chose. If it was anyone else Louis would be glad, he'd think 'good, they got what they deserve'. But not Harry. Never with Harry. Harry didn't deserve bad, only good, he needed help. He couldn't believe after everything Louis still wanted to help Harry. The other thing Louis couldn't get out of his head was how he'd got his wand back. Everyone praised it as an accidental miracle, but a small voice in Louis' head knew. It told Louis exactly what he wanted to hear, wanted to believe, Harry had given him his wand back. Harry had helped him escape. 

 

Harry was quick to gain infamy as a death eater. Going from being a member of the Order of the Phoenix to a betrayer and a death eater it would be hard not to be. But that wasn't the only reason. Harry had climbed the ranks in You-Know-Who's possy, it was rumoured he was even inside his inner cirle with the likes of the Malfoy's and Lestrange's, and Louis didn't even want to acknowledge the crimes he'd been accused of committing. He didn't have to either. He hadn't seen Harry since being in their Dungen, and part of Louis was hoping he never would see Harry again. He couldn't ever bring himself to hate Harry, but he could realise that Harry made him weak and vulnerable and letting himself get like that affected the whole order. The Order had been gaing some ground, albeit not enough, but it was something. It meant that when You-Know-Who attacked they could survive, and it meant during the Battle of Hogwarts they stood a chance. However slim it might be, they stood a chance. Louis found himself in battle with one of the Carrow's, he wasn't familiar enough with them to know which one: Alecto or Amycus. It didn't matter which one of them it was, Louis was going to kill him. 

_"SECTUMSEMPRA"_ There was a yell and a flash of light followed by red hot pain in Louis' leg. He fell from the shock of it, struggling to drag himself back up. His leg had been slashed open, covering Louis in more blood than he thought he'd ever seen in his life. 

        "YOU BASTARD" He yelled, gripping his wand to strike back but Carrow was quicker,  _"EXPELLIARMUS"._ Louis was defenceless now. He couldn't stand to run, even sitting up made his body want to shrivel up in a fit of pain, and he couldn't use any spells. He was dead. He had seconds left to live. He wasn't meant to die, not here, not today, he wanted to see this war won and won for the greater good. 

_"ADVADA KEDAVRA"_ Louis winced, bracing himself, but no spell ever hit. Nothing hit. Louis opened his eyes and in front of him Carrow's body was lying lifeless. Before Louis could even think of the 'who' or 'how' of the situation, Harry was in front of him. Not looming over him, not about to finish him off, but with his back to him. Harry was protecting him. Louis had to blink a few times to get his head around it and despite the searing pain in his leg he found himself smiling. Harry was throwing curses in every direction, but not against the Order. Not against his friends. He was cursing death eaters, dementors, trolls. Laying on the ground in the middle of a battle field made Louis a target with a red cross over him, but anyone who tried was struck dead by Harry faster than Louis' could regsiter them approaching. 

        "GET AWAY FROM HIM" Louis heard a yell from behind him and within seconds Arthur was by Louis' side, want pointed up at Harry but he faltered. As much as Louis struggled with Harry's betrayal so did everyone else in the Order. Arthur had watched them both grow up, had taken care of them, had shared in their successes and failures. 

         "NO! Arthur he's working with us!" Louis yelled, grabbing hold of Arthur despite the pain it caused him to move. He was still bleeding heavily and knew if he didn't get treatment soon he would be another casuality of this war. 

        "What?!? What on you on about" Arthur looked from Louis to Harry in confusion and back again, processing what he was saying. He could see Harry was fighting off death eaters, see he was protecting Louis, yet still struggled to get his head around it. 

        "ARTHUR GET HIM OUT OF HERE, HE'S GOING TO BLEED TO DEATH" Harry yelled over his shoulder, and even in the heat of battle it made Louis' heart and stomach turn to mush hearing it. Yes Harry had betrayed them, left them, worked against them, but right now he was helping them. When it mattered most Harry was back on their side. Harry couldn't let Louis die. Arthur didn't spend much time questioning it, he simply grabbed hold of Louis and hauled him backwards towards the castle doors. He was struggling to send curses and keep Louis up right but somehow managed it. Louis did his best not to complain, not to show the pain he was in. He was biting down so hard on his tongue he was scared he might bite it off. When he reached the hospital wing there wasn't a spare bed, he had to make do with being propped up against a wall as madam pomfrey first applied something to stop the bleeding then cast a spell to dull the pain. It had to have been strong, because Louis could feel his eyelids drooping. He could hear the cries and screams outside, hear the blasts from wands, the voices around him, but he couldn't concentrate on any one thing. He was conscious and unconscious at the same time. 

_"Harry Styles.."_

_"Our side?"_

_"When?"_

         Louis could hear the voices talking but his brain wasn't working enough to process the conversations, instead he only got snippets. It was unclear how long he was in that dozed out state for, and as the background noise seemed to die out Louis wasn't sure if the battle was ending or he was fading further out of consciousness. 

        "Louis" Where's Louis?!" A voice demanded, a voice Louis would recognised anywhere. It was Harry. Someone must have directed him as the next second Harry was by his side, gripping his hand, checking his forehead, tending to his leg, "oh my god Louis" was all he could mumble to himself. 

        "Harry" Louis croaked out through his fuzzy brain, squeezing back on Harry's hand and without even realising Louis had tears escaping his eyes.

        "I'm here, you're okay, I've got you" he shushed Louis in comfort and Louis was convinced he could hear it in Harry's voice; he was crying too. Harry wrapped an arm around Louis, leaning against the wall next to him, craddling his body like it was the most fragile thing in the world, "you're going to be okay". Harry's words came out as more of a sob than a statement as he buried his face into Louis' hair. Louis felt okay, Louis felt better than okay. He may be injured, may have to lose his leg, may never leave this castle again, but he had Harry back. Harry still cared about him. He leaned into Harry's chest, closing his eyes properly and tried to sleep. It was difficult to, although it didn't sound like there was a battle anymore, the castle was still filled with noise and it wasn't pleasant to behold. People dying, people grieving, people in pain. Louis wanted to tune out from it all. 

 

It wasn't until the next day that whatever spell Madam Pomfrey had cast on Louis started to wear off. He was still it pain, but it was bareable and from the looks of it his leg had been healed up. Harry was still by his side, asleep at what must've been the most uncomfortable angle. Louis was filled with happiness seeing him there, he wanted to wake him up, to kiss him, to tell him he was forgiven, but Louis could tell he was exhausted. Instead he took the opportunity to study Harry. There were dark circles under his eyes, larger than Louis had ever seen on him. His curls were a mess and didn't hold the same bounce as they used to, more flattened to his head. What stood out the most was the black tattoo on his forearm. The snake wrapped up by with a skull, the dark mark. Harry was a death eater, had been a death eater. Was he still? Louis wasn't sure. But he had Harry with him, Harry had saved him, he couldn't be entirely gone. Louis could redeem him, bring him back, they could get the mark removed. He didn't know how they could remove, if they could, but they would. 

        "Louis.." Harry was starting to wake up and Louis didn't let him even open his eyes before crashing his lips against Harry's. It took a moment for Harry to respond, to process what was happening, but once he did Harry was kissing Louis back as if he was the air Harry needed to breath. The kiss was messy, desperate, two forces that should've never been separated colliding again. 

        "You saved me" Louis spoke softly, resting his forehead against Harry's after pulling back from the kiss, breathing heavily, not daring to open his eyes in case when he did Harry disappeared. 

        "Louis I love you, you've got to believe me, I'm not" Harry was starting to choke up over his words and Louis ran his hands through Harry's hair, eyes open now, paying his full attention to Harry, doing whatever he could to comfort him. 

        "You're not what Harry" Louis looked to him with concern, brushing the pad of his thumb over Harry's cheek, stealing another kiss from Harry, eyes burning into him.

        "I'm not evil" he whispered. He sounded broken and it destroyed Louis in an entirely new way he didn't think was possible. 

        "No, no you're not evil Harry, you're not" Louis shook his head, pulling Harry into his chest, his arms wrapping around him to protect him from whatever the rest of the world had to say. Harry didn't continue speaking, he simply sobbed into Louis' chest coming undone in the older's mans arms. Louis stroked his back, held him tighter, rocked them back and forth, kissed his curls, anything to help soothe his baby.

        "He took Anne Louis, he's got Anne" Harry finally looked back up at Louis. That's why he was a death eater? "He's got Anne, uses the curtiartus curse on her if I don't do what he instructs" the tears kept falling from Harry as he spoke and Louis was shocked he was able to get his words out as clearly as he had. 

        "You were protecting your mum" Louis mumbled almost to himself, complete disbelief at the situation. He knew Harry wasn't bad. Knew Harry would never have joined the death eaters. 

        "He's going to kill her" Harry whispered, curling himself up whilst more sobs ripped through his body. That's when the weight of everything hit Louis. By protecting Louis, Harry had sacrificed his mum. 

        "No. No Harry we're going to get her back, we'll rescue her, we've won Harry" Louis tried to comfort but Harry couldn't hear him, couldn't accept those words. Harry had spent the past two years working for Voldemort and in his world he could never imagine a day were he would be defeated. He was too strong. 

 

 

It took a while for anyone to process Voldemort's downfall, and a little while longer for the wizarding world to pick itself back off its feet. Louis went straight to the ministry once it was set up and was given a job as an auror. Harry was in hiding for a while, protected by the Order as Louis fought tooth and nail for him. It took longer than he would've liked but Harry received a pardon from his azkaban sentence for war crimes on the condition a trace was placed on him. The ministry could moniter what he was doing and where he was for the rest of his life. It was a bit miserable, but not even compariable to how bad azkaban would've been. Harry planned to retire anyway, he couldn't face intergrating back into the world beyond Louis, so it didn't affect him that badly. As time passed, the scar on Harry's arm faded. They were still trying to find a way to get it removed but to not avail. 

        "Harry" Louis drew Harry's attention away from the scar on his arm. He hadn't even realised he had spaced out, "you want bangers and mash for dinner? Or mac and cheese?". Domestic moment's like this made Harry smile, reminded him that as traumatic as the past was, that's all it was. The past. 

        "What if we ordered pizza in and a movie?" Harry suggested. It wasn't that he didn't like Louis' cooking or appreciate the effort, but right now he wanted to curl up under a cover him and watch a cheesy movie. Plus, Harry enjoyed ordering from the muggle pizzeria. It reminded him of his early childhood, of the mundaness life could give you. 

        "I go to all this effort, honestly Harold" Louis shook his head, spatula in hand (for what reason, Harry did not know).

        "You love me" Harry grinned, and Louis melted. Even after all this time, all Harry had to do was smile and he could get anything he wanted, "fine curly" Louis groaned, throwing the spatula down with an overdramatic huff and made his way over to Harry, sitting himself on his lap.  

        "I love you" 


End file.
